#8: Christmas shopping etiquette

Everyone hates Christmas shopping.  I have never in my life heard someone say "oh BRILLIANT it's time to start Christmas shopping!".  This is for 2 reasons:
1. You never know what to buy people
2. Unless you can can do all your shopping online, you're going to have to brave the shops.

 

Shopping for other people is stressful at the best of times, but at Christmas you have the added pressure of getting presents right because you know Jesus is watching, it's his birthday after all!  Nah, I jest he probably gets loads of his own presents from God, the "virgin" Mary and all his other heaven mates, he's to busy partying with them and preening his beard to care what you got!  People are desperate to buy interesting presents instead of resorting to the standard smellies, chocolates or jewellery.  This desperate attempt to find a unique gift results in some weird present ideas that seem like such a good idea at the time of purchase.  For example, last year my mum had the pleasure of acquiring a goat from a friend.  Sadly, it is not currently rummaging through the garden as she didn't actually receive said goat, it was sent to SOMEONE ELSE!  All my mum got was a picture of a goat and a little story about where Jerome (what I would have called the goat had it made it to our house) was headed!  And do you know what, I don't even think the picture was of Jerome, I reckon it was of some every day, non-specific unphotogenic goat with no charisma.  There wasn't even a follow up picture of Jerome with his new family happily playing in a field/being roasted and eaten.  So essentially my mum's Christmas present was a  picture of a goat.  Great.  Have fun writing a thank you card for that one...."Dear ex-friend......"

Jerome looking festive

 

As we all know, shopping centres can be a nightmare and this is particularly poignant during the festive season.  I feel there should be a strict code of conduct to be followed when Christmas shopping to minimise stress.  I have devised this set of Christmas shopping rules:

• No pushchairs.  If you have children have the decency to leave them at home.  People with pushchairs think they own the shop and feel they have right of way in any situation.  Christmas shoppers don't have time to divert their course to avoid pushchairs, so pushchairs, you're banned.
• No children.  Kids have a tendancy to wonder aimlessly without looking in the direction they are travelling.  They weave a path of destruction wherever they go.  I don't have time to deal with you, you're banned.
• No injuries.  People with injuries are wusses and we don't need them.  Thus they are banned, crutches/wheelchairs get out.
• Suitable footwear and a good breakfast! A combination of the two will allow a speedy and comfortable trip.  Speed is key.  Get in, get out.
• 1 minute browsing time.  A single minute is all it takes to decide whether you want to purchase a particular item.  Don't umm and err.  Buy it or put it back. 
• Avoid distractions.  If you feel compelled at any point to buy yourself something, you are beginning to lag.  Go for a coffee break to refuel, make it quick though.  If possible try one of the festive options, a toffee nut latte will give you an adequate kick in the baubles!

Happy shopping!  Festive spirit and all that..

Luce x

ps Don't be selfish, think of Jerome and other such livestock during this festive period.